my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
