she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
