My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
