I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
i think im in europe. pls send help
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