well I can't set my house on fire every night
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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