I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize