I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
you traded sex for a burrito?
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
not ubering you a puppy
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize