Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
