opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
