your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
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