just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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