i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Do vagina's smell?
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize