look no pants
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
