sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
