I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
