Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
