hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
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