im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
you made out with another girl for some wings
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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