Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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