my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I want a musical about memes.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
