that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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