the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
