OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
