Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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