i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
