Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
