Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize