woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Randomize
