This show inspires me to have sex in space
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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