I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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