The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
