my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I love having hate sex.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
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