It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
