speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
