If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
