I just threw up on my dentist
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
