he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
