Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
