So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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