super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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