At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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