she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
