remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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