Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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