As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Randomize
