True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Randomize