i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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