This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
