So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
