i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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