did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
I think im going to throw up on grandma
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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