I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
