and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Randomize
