so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
