I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
