no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
