My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
