why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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