I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
