dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Randomize
