Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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