is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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