the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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