you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize