i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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