It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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