The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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