Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
