i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
