Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
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