she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
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