she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize