went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I think your dad took our porno
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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