My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
