shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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