just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
