I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
