Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
