Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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