3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
