Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
