Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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