Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
