just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
