I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
