I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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