During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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