But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Randomize
