You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize