i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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