do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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