everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
