he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
