I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
he thought i was a dude.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
