the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Walk of Shame today included voting.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
