no, he came in my armpit
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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