i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
