Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
