can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
