yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
