I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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