Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
