I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize