I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
