I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
