I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
