Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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