can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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