At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
