I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
