This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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