Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize