Welp...herpes.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
