Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
